House By the Sea (Absence: Part 5)
(Finished August 26, 2021)
It had been years
Since I heard the waves crashing in my ears
The joy of a child as you took me by my hand
To dip my toes in the sand
You wanted to pave the way for me
To always find my way to the sea
Here’s the way, but where are you to guide me?
In the sky, you fly, as you come to me in my dreams
Swimming in it like Neptune in his seas, it seems
Too high you are, too low I’ve drowned
In my sorrow over your spirit no longer having bound
I have no way to your sky as I have no way to the sea
You were the wind to my sails and to my ships, you were quay
But now I fear to go out and yet I fear that to myself I am left to be
And so I am haunted by you asking me to roam the world freely
White horses in this sea taking you away from me
And so how do I stand on its shore and face its waves steadily
Without remembering that it was you who taught me to bask in the sun
And in the depths of all the world’s seas, to gleefully run
It had been ages
Since I laughed as the sea rages
The joy of a child as you took me in
To let the water fully embrace my skin
You wanted to pave the way for me
To always find my way to the sea
Here’s the way, but where are you to guide me?
In the world, you ran to the edge of glory
Took all upon yourself to leave us with no worry
And although to all strengths comes bounds
You saw nothing to obstruct your dreams to be found
And so you built a house by the sea
You took us there before there was anything to see
After a dream of how beautiful it would be
I wonder, could it ever be so without you with me?
They’ve all been there and I have yet to go
As I feel that I would betray you to ever know
How to find myself a way to the sea without you swimming by me
But here I see the clouds as your waves, and your sky forever over my sea
I’ve had a recurring dream of me getting in a plane and being high up in the sky to find myself flowing as fluidly as one would swimming in the sea. Everytime, I’d find my father by my side, smiling, staying near me till I’d reach my destination. I’d never understand what my destination is, but I’d see him happy, so I’d at least feel good that he has found his.
The idea of writing this piece came to me soon after he had passed away albeit I never knew what I actually wanted to say in it. As I’ve had time to reflect on his life and all that he had done for us and all of his ambitions and dreams, this so-called “house by the sea” started to grow beyond whatever meaning I first associated with it. It was his essence; it was his wish for us to always have a place to be our little own sanctuary. He started this journey of building a house by the sea but never got a chance to fully see it. So much life was in him; it’s hard to believe that it has all ended.
I’ve never cried while writing a piece as much as I have writing this one.
This song came to mind as I was writing this.
