Control (Façade: Part 4)

(Finished October 23, 2022)

If I were made to sink

How could I find myself in the water afloat?

If I were to always be trapped in what I think

What is the use to emote?

So easily love can bring about hate

Foolish how the heart ebbs and flows

Solemnly I can only await

What life brings of its highs and lows

I can’t control how deep the hurt goes

Just like the heart can’t deny what the mind knows

Here I am, pouring myself in every street and in every home

Emptied I’ll never be though once I return to myself all alone

How do you escape yourself?

An empty gaze at life taking away each breath

The tides I can only ride, with each emotion the depth of an ocean

Sunken deep inside, no matter how distracted in sound and motion

Way down, way down I hide behind this façade

As how, as how can I accept human’s nature to be flawed

Mercy held in one’s hands, but no way to bestow it upon thee

Every fall must land once in the pull of gravity

Control was never in my hands to lose

This hurt was nothing I decided to choose

Here I am, playing it in my head in every way different from

The way it all went down

How do you escape fate?

When every step you take ahead is its bait

What brought joy to your poor heart

Doesn’t have to end in the same nature as it did start

And so, I lay my head down, shaming it for nothing but its rue

No matter what I did, I had no way of escaping you

The hurt burns in my chest; give it time to simmer

All that is hot sinks, all that was felt fades away in a glimmer

The façade of control…
It took a long while to finally know how I wanted to approach this part. Then, out of the blue, came the image of me as a rock. Such a rock put into water, ultimately always sinking. There is nothing the rock can change as it is part of its nature to sink in the less dense water in which it is submerged. I am the rock and my life recently has been the water, the tides that I have had to go along with their flow. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I am not in control of the physical and mental limitations set upon me as a human being. I was fully consumed, I was constantly drowning, sinking as the rock I’ve been for too long. Control was never something I had to lose. What I lost was myself, my mental bearings needed to face what is to come. I cannot change what is to come, I cannot change my fate. I can only act accordingly, and so I see there’s nothing to regret now. I had no hand in this hurt, I had no hand in what was bound to happen. I’m just glad that I was able to stand for myself as it did happen. Every fall must land once in the pull of gravity, but one can still get up again. This heat, this flame set in me ablaze will one day cool, will one day sink deep down to rest.